Secret Sauce
by Zesty Bod
Summary: House gets Cuddy involved in his new hobby: cooking. Stand-alone. Spoilers for "Epic Fail."


**SECRET SAUCE**

The knocks on Wilson's door pulled House away from his incessant cooking for the first time all day. He hobbled cane-less to the front door and opened it to see a makeup-less Cuddy holding her sleeping baby. Her hair was pulled back and House immediately knew that she must have been fresh from the shower, because her locks were damp and had their natural curl to them. House would probably never admit it to her, but he much preferred her natural hair texture to flat-ironed look. She looked delicious both ways, but something about those curls just got him going.

"This better be an emergency," she said in that patented flat voice. "I had just gotten Rachel to sleep when you called."

"And looks like you succeeded in keeping her that way," he said, moving out of the way so Cuddy could come in.

"For now." Cuddy stepped into the apartment and immediately smelled food. She could see into the kitchen from where she stood and she spotted a bunch of pots on the stove and some food on the kitchen island. "Are you up cooking?"

"Yep," House said nonchalantly, limping past her on his way to the kitchen. "I wanted you to try this new secret sauce I made."

"_That's_ why you called me at midnight? I assumed you wanted to talk about coming back to work."

"When you assume…" House started, turning around and smirking at her. "How is your ass these days, by the way?"

"Flat and saggy," Cuddy answered dryly, while she carefully lay her sleeping daughter on Wilson's couch. She was pretty sure that Rachel would stay put because she didn't move much in her sleep. Cuddy leaned down and gave Rachel a little kiss on the forehead, and when she stood back up, she saw House leering at her. "What?"

"You lied. Your ass is as fat as ever," he grinned. Cuddy rolled her eyes, that familiar annoyed yet flattered smile tugging at her lips. "Now get that delectable rump in here and try some of this food. I can't eat it all, you know. Have to watch my girlish figure."

"Right," she laughed, finally joining him in the kitchen. She took a seat on the stool near the island and surveyed all the food and various sauces that were covering every area of the kitchen. "Did you really call me over here just so I could taste this stuff?"

House thrust a plate of meatballs in her face and said, "Wilson's tired of eating my balls. I need a fresh mouth." He got one of those wolfish grins on his face and Cuddy had to stop herself from laughing hysterically.

"House…"

"Meatballs, of course," he said with a straight face. "Get your hot, slutty mind out of the gutter."

"Since when did you delude yourself into thinking you could call your boss a slut?"

"Just eat the damn meatballs. They're made out of soy since you're so uppity about your food intake."

Cuddy gave him 'the eye' and then took a bite of the soy meatballs, which he had made just for her. As soon as it hit her tongue, she closed her eyes and groaned. "Ooh, this is good," she said in a low sultry, come-hither sex voice. House blatantly stared as she ate the rest of the meatball and he wondered how much food he'd have to give her before her clothes started coming off.

"So you enjoy my balls then," he stated in a low tone, his voice full of pride and amusement. Cuddy opened her eyes and smiled.

"Your _meat_ balls, yes. Very much."

"My other balls are tasty too," he said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Cuddy bit her lip and laughed quietly, not wanting to wake up Rachel with her normally boisterous laughter.

"Where is this sauce you want me to try? I'm not going to stay here all night listening to your dirty innuendo. Some of us still have jobs to go to in the morning."

"Fine," House said. He dipped a wooden spoon into one of his many pots to gather up some of the sauce, and he put his hand under the spoon to keep from dripping. He walked back over to his side of the island and held the spoon out. "Come to Daddy," he said with a grin. Cuddy rolled her eyes, but leaned over anyway, giving him a nice peek down her T-shirt. He watched with keen interest as her lips connected to the wooden spoon and she slurped a little bit of the sauce. Immediately, her eyes closed and she groaned like a woman in heat.

"Oh my God," she moaned, her tongue darting out to lick the residue off her lips. "That is so gooood," she dragged the word out. House stared, feeling a little action starting in his pants, and he wondered if she was putting on this show just to tease him or if it was really that good. It didn't matter, though. He was enjoying it very much. "House, that is the best sauce I've ever had."

"Have some more," he said lowly, able to hear the lechery in his voice. Cuddy didn't seem to notice, though. She opened her eyes and located the spoon and dove in for another lick. And he was rewarded with another sex kitten-type moan.

"Wow, I think I just had an orgasm," she said, taking the spoon from him and going to town on it.

"I think I did too," he mumbled.

"I need to learn how to make this," Cuddy announced, once she had licked the spoon clean…much to House's viewing pleasure. "If I could pour this on some pasta and serve it at a family gathering, I'd shut my mother up at least during dinner."

"I could show you how to make it," House shrugged nonchalantly. "For a price of course."

"What price?" Cuddy asked warily.

"You have to get naked."

She tossed her head back and released a full throaty laugh…House's favorite. "Yeah right. Show me how to make it."

"It was worth a shot. Come over here."

House walked to the stove, where his newest batch of sauce was just getting started. His leg winced at the movement, but he ignored it. The pain was much more manageable now that it had been a few hours before. Besides, with a distraction like Cuddy, he could deal with it.

She joined him at the stove and she tried to look into the pot, but House put his arm up to block her. "Don't you have any housewife etiquette?" he asked, handing her an apron. Cuddy rolled her eyes but put on the apron without any complaints.

"Okay, Master House, now what?" she asked sarcastically.

"I think I like the sound of that," he grinned and she rolled her eyes at him again. House pointed to the spot in front of him and Cuddy took her position. Immediately, House was distracted by the fragrance of her skin and hair. He knew her shampoo, conditioner, soap, and body lotion by heart, and they were all attacking his senses at once. She was in close enough proximity that he could nearly feel the swell of her butt right in line with his crotch. He was starting to think that maybe he should stand to the side because he couldn't think straight.

"House," Cuddy said, snapping him out of his thoughts. She had turned her head to look at him, and he scrambled to come up with a reason for his delay.

"Sorry. Your ass distracted me." Hey, the truth was as good a story as any. Cuddy chuckled and turned back around, clearly shrugging off his comment as his usual nonsense. "Put some of this in there," he said, leaning off to the side and grabbing one of the spices. "Just sprinkle a little bit in because it's strong."

"Okay," Cuddy said, clearly focused on learning how to make his orgasmic sauce. House couldn't stop the grin on his face. He hated to admit it, but he lived for comments like that from Cuddy. He never needed praise from anyone, but he wanted it from her. He liked to impress her, whether it was with a tricky diagnosis or his new hobby of cooking. Cuddy's approval was a massive stroke to his ego.

"Now add some of these chopped onions," House directed, handing her a little tray of onions he had chopped with a surgeon's precision. He watched from behind as Cuddy dumped them into the pot and stirred everything together. House took a minute to run his eyes from the top of her head, down to her exposed neck, over her shoulders, down her back, and finally onto that Yoga-induced butt. He wanted to grab it and give it a few slaps, but somehow he didn't think that would go over well.

He retracted his eyes from her behind before he pitched a tent in his pants, and his eyes traveled back up to her neck. There was something so sensual about a woman's exposed neck…the delicate curve of it and the soft, flawless skin there. A few wisps of Cuddy's curly black hair only added to the appeal, and suddenly House felt the overwhelming desire to bury his nose right there and inhale her. He wanted to bite her and lick her skin and feel her tremble in his arms. Before he knew what he was doing, his head was lowering and his breath was on her neck. He felt Cuddy stiffen against him, and he knew he needed an explanation…and quickly! So he veered off his course and instead rested his chin on her shoulder, looking over her and into the pot.

"You're not burning my sauce, are you?"

Cuddy relaxed and he could see a smile on the corner of her mouth. "No. How long do I have to keep stirring?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm kind of enjoying myself."

Cuddy chuckled and purposely pushed her butt back into his crotch. "Stop checking me out."

House smiled and removed himself fro m her shoulder and he even took a few steps back from her body. She was driving him insane and he wasn't sure she realized it. Really, all she had to do was be in his presence and his hormones took over. That woman just _did_ something to him, and they both knew that for all his talk and insults, she had a certain type of power over him. House both loved and hated it. He mostly loved it.

"Mm, it's starting to smell good," Cuddy said, turning to look at him. She pouted a little bit when she saw that he was basically standing at the island, at least a few feet away from her. "Why are you so far away? I don't bite," she added with an evil glint in her eyes.

_Damn this woman! _

"You do in all my fantasies," he retorted, slowly making his way back to her.

"This Fantasy Cuddy sounds hot. I would totally make out with her," she said with a chuckle, but the damage was done. Now House had two Cuddys running around naked in his mind, kissing and hugging each other. Oh God!

"Don't tease me, you little wench," House growled, resuming his place behind her sinful body. He kept his head on straight enough to hand her the next ingredient. "Sprinkle some of this in there."

"Cinnamon sugar?" Cuddy asked, surprised.

"It gives it that sweet little finish. Sprinkle in a little, stir, and sprinkle in some more."

Cuddy did as she was told and House found himself itching to put his hands on her hips and rub himself against her. The heady combination of her scent, her body, and the sauce was sending him a little bit off the rails, and once again, his body reacted without his mind's permission. House's hands ended up on Cuddy's hips and all he could think about was bending her over and taking her right there. Cuddy turned around and raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" she asked lowly. House briefly panicked because he didn't think he could very well tell her that he was fantasizing about her, so with his hands still on her hips, he moved her out of the way and took over the stirring.

"You were messing it up," he said simply, lying through his teeth. Cuddy narrowed her eyes at him and smiled that slow arrogant smile. House could feel her looking at him, but he refused to look at her. He stirred the sauce, added a few more ingredients, and only looked at her after a few excruciating minutes of silence. "What?"

"Nothing," she shrugged, still that smile on her face. It was the smile she got when she knew she had the upper hand. _Curses_.

"It's not nothing. You've got that dumb smile on your face like you know a secret."

Again, Cuddy shrugged and House started to get annoyed. He knew he had been caught red-handed and now she was rubbing it in his face. Without saying another word, Cuddy slipped herself between him and the stove and she swiped the stirring spoon from him. He was about to protest when she grabbed his hand and put it back on her hip. House closed his mouth and she didn't bother to turn around but he heard her words loud and clear.

"You know…you don't need an excuse to touch me."

House was officially panicked. He was touching Cuddy, intimately, and she was okay with it. In fact, she seemed to like it. His heart was beating out of his chest and he had no idea how to react. Usually, he was the one who pushed the envelope but this time she had turned the tables on him. And damn it if she wasn't just standing there stirring her sauce, like his crotch wasn't nestled securely between her plump butt cheeks and his hand wasn't rested on her hip.

She had stunned him into silence, which was quite a feat. He quietly rested his other hand on her free hip and said nothing for a full five minutes. When he finally did speak, his voice was shakier than he had liked.

"I think it's ready," he said, trying not to let his voice give away his arousal. He failed and he could only hope that Cuddy wouldn't say anything. Luckily, she didn't. She gathered some sauce on the spoon and then held it up and blew on it a few times to cool it off. House wanted to make a joke about her blowing abilities, but at the moment, he couldn't quite bring himself to say anything. He craned his neck around to see her taste the sauce, and she gave a satisfied nod.

"Good," she said. She turned around in his arms, looking at him with those expressive eyes, and House knew it was time for him to gain the upper hand again. She was teasing him, he knew it and she knew it. So he dipped his finger onto the spoon, tasted it, and nodded. It was very good, and just the right temperature not to scold. So House yanked the spoon from her and smeared sauce all over her neck. Cuddy's eyes bugged out of her head.

"House, what the hell?" she nearly screamed.

It was now or never, he thought. This would probably be the boldest thing he'd ever done in his constant game of one-upmanship with Cuddy. But it would shut her up. So, tightening his grip on her hips, he pulled her flush against him and before she could figure out what he was doing, he leaned down to her and licked a trail of sauce off her neck.

Immediately, Cuddy grabbed his forearms and melted into him, obviously having lost control of the game. House licked the warm sauce off her neck at an agonizingly slow pace, before sucking her soft skin into his mouth and hearing Cuddy hiss in his ear. He wanted a moan, though. He wanted one of those moans like she'd done after tasting his sauce. He wanted her to quiver and give herself to him just like a good girl should. He didn't know how far she would let him go as he ran his flat tongue all over her until he ended up licking her ear and sucking her lobe into his mouth.

"Ssshit," she whispered, and House mentally patted himself on the back. A curse word was as good as a moan and now he was standing at full attention, pressing against her. She was putty in his hands.

"House, what are you still…?"

The sound of Wilson's voice took a second to register in his brain, but House realized they were not alone when Cuddy jumped away from him. Both their heads snapped in Wilson's direction, who was standing there with huge eyes and a slight grin on his face.

"Uh…"

"Wilson," Cuddy said, her face flushed and her voice wavering. "This is not what it looks like." Her breathy tone gave her away, though, and House could only grin widely. "We were just…um…"

Cuddy couldn't come up with any kind of plausible story for why Wilson had caught House going to town on her neck. She looked at House for back-up, which she should have known was a mistake.

"Actually, it's exactly what it looks like," House said without hesitation, looking at Wilson like he was very proud of himself. "I got all horny and stuff watching Cuddy make sauce, so I smeared some on her neck and licked it off. She was enjoying it until you interrupted us."

House wasn't sure whose face was more priceless: Cuddy's or Wilson's. Cuddy's mouth hung open in the disbelief that he had squealed on them, and Wilson's mouth hung open in the disbelief that his two best friends were actually getting somewhere in their screwed up relationship.

_Advantage: House._

"Well, don't let me interrupt," Wilson said, quickly removing himself from the picture. House turned to Cuddy, in the hopes that they could pick up where they left off, but she seemed like she had snapped out of her daze just enough to realize that they were headed into dangerous territory.

"I need to go. It's late," she said lamely. She bolted past House into the living room, and he hobbled behind her.

"It was also late a few minutes ago. What's your rush?"

"I have to get up early," Cuddy said, scooping up Rachel and looking like she might make a mad dash for the door. House smiled and nodded: he was back in control. She might like to tease, but once he was ready to take her up on it, she wanted to run.

"Sleep tight," he said, to which Cuddy only nodded. He watched her leave and then went back to the kitchen to take another taste of the sauce. He sighed and realized that it would never taste as good on a spoon as it had on Cuddy's skin. He pulled out a jar and filled it up with the sauce. He tightened the lid and then hobbled back to Wilson's room. He didn't bother to knock as he barged in and shoved the jar into Wilson's face.

"What? No post-nookie cuddling?" Wilson teased. House smiled.

"You scared her off. Give this to her tomorrow."

"A memento of your almost sex?"

House only grinned. Cuddy may have run out on him tonight, but they had been circling each other for years and one of these days, they were going to come in for a landing. That day was getting closer and both of them knew it.

"Make sure you tell her it tastes best with balls," House said as he closed the door. He went back to the kitchen with a big smile on his face. He was going to sleep well tonight.


End file.
